How Introverts Deal with Interpersonal Conflict

Confrontation is a terrifying concept for introverts. We don't face how we feel head-on and we always need time to process things. So when something happens that upsets us, we simply don't know how to voice our feelings about it on the spot. Our defense mechanism is staying quiet about it, acting like there's nothing wrong, and keeping it lingering in our thoughts. 

How introverts deal with conflict goes something like this:

1. Someone says something or does something hurtful. 

2. The first instinct of an introvert is not reacting, mostly because they will be in shock of what took place. They go numb and not mention anything about the incident. 

3. Overthinking starts to overwhelm them, which could go on for days. Details get blown out of proportion as they start to analyze the situation thoroughly. The other person has no idea.

4. They decide they are really upset about this.

5. They want to confront that person but chicken out every time because the idea of calling someone out on their behavior is something they hate doing.

6. The other person acts normally and so the introvert does too while pondering over whether they should tell them.

7. Eventually, enough time passes that they just get over it. 
8. Little do they know, when this happens more than a few times, there comes a time when they experience a meltdown. An incident will happen and they will find themselves so angry they bring up too many bottled up emotions that the other person is genuinely surprised and blindsided. 

That doesn't sound healthy at all, does it? Well, that's because it's not! However, it's what we introverts are wired to do in the face of conflict unless we become aware of it and work to change our behavior. We can't expect our friends, family, or partner to read our thoughts!

Life experience plays a huge role here too. Life forces introverts to act outside their comfort zone, whether through friendships and relationships or at work. You will notice your awareness levels rising with every conflict life forces on you. However, it's important not to regret anything; you need to try to learn from each situation instead of lingering too much on what you could have done differently. 

Knowing that you require some time to think things through will help you greatly, but don't dwell too much and go tell the person who hurt you what's on your mind.

It's beneficial to understand your personality. You can check the Preferred Interaction Styles of Introverts for more insight.

By: Amal Ghali