3 Steps to Escape the Drama Triangle

Every relationship, no matter its type, faces conflict. It's natural and unavoidable because we are all different personalities trying to communicate with each other. It can be quite exhausting if you constantly feel endless unnecessary drama in the way you and the people around handle conflict. 

That's why you need to identify who you are in times of conflict. A detailed breakdown was discussed in the last post. 

In a nutshell, do you identify as a victim—someone who always feels helpless in midst of struggle and tends to blame everything and everyone around them? Are you more of a persecutor whose go-to strategy is criticizing, controlling, and abusing? Or are you someone who always feels the need to save the day no matter what overtaking you every single time—a rescuer?   

Aren't you tired of all the drama? Here are 3 steps to escape the dreaded Drama Triangle:

1. Recognize Your Role

Change cannot happen without identifying the problem. Think about your conflicts with the people in your life and you will see a pattern. 

2. Transform Your Role

Did you know that in 2005 David Emerald Womeldorff, an MD and certified coach, came up with a passion-driven model called TED or The Empowerment Dynamic in response to the Drama Triangle?

The TED model allows you to transform your role into a new productive one as follows: 

• The Victim becomes the Creator 

You don't need validation from the people around you to fill your self-esteem. Focus on making decisions for yourself and don't allow yourself to dwell too much on the problem, but rather the solution. Creators are more interested in outcomes. 

• The Persecutor becomes the Challenger

Try to let go of the aggressive responses to arguments and conflicts. Any obstacles can be seen as welcomed challenges that allow you to seek your true potential. Accusations can be replaced with statements like: "We can do this together."

• The Rescuer becomes the Coach

As a rescuer, you focused on solving everything no matter the cost or the type of solution. As a coach, your solutions are in the form of questions that actually help the person in front of you reach an informed decision. Think about the solutions you are offering and if you don't have any, it's okay. Learn to put boundaries for yourself and help out when your energy levels allow it. 

None of these new roles will come easily. They will take a lot of willpower and struggle to be accomplished. There will be challenges and mistakes, but if you are determined you will reach the needed goal. Keep these 3 winner elements in mind: Compassion, Listening, Assertiveness.

3. Don't Give Up

When you start changing your behavior, the response of some people around you will not be a walk in the park. Some of them will lash out and some people's feeling may get hurt in the process. It's not a reflection of you being a bad person; it's simply a necessary ladder for the entire relationship to get better. Stand your ground and explain what you are trying to do. 

There you have it. Your guide to lessen the drama in your life. On another note, you might be interested to find out how introverts deal with interpersonal conflict. 

By: Amal Ghali